🚨 Read This Before We Get Canceled

📣 This Is Not an Apology. It’s a Preemptive Alibi.

Satirday Sports is a legally unverified, spiritually questionable sports media outlet built on bold takes, fake names, and dangerously high confidence. We exist in the gap between a hot mic and a bad decision.

If you came here for stats, objectivity, or something your lawyer would approve of, we urge you to close this tab and go touch grass.

If you’re still here, you’re one of us now.

Welcome to the satire spiral. Please keep your hands, feet, and egos inside the ride at all times.

✅ What We Are

A sports tabloid that never learned the word “allegedly”
A cracked trophy wrapped in duct tape and denial
The most questionably reliable sports site run entirely by fictional people
A support group for people who’ve been burned by parlays, mascots, or both

🚫 What We Are Not

Safe for work
Respectful of NDAs
Endorsed by any governing sports body (please stop emailing us, Roger)
Particularly sober after Wednesday

📜 Our Five (Unholy) Pillars of Satirday

Discovered on a napkin, buried under a six-pack and a cease & desist.

1. Sports Logic, Broken Beautifully

We start with a real take and let it spiral like a drunk punt returner.

2. No Credibility. Maximum Confidence.

We may be wrong — but we’re loud about it.

3. Driven by Personalities, Not Headlines

The real stars here are the degenerates behind the takes.

4. Absurd but Rooted

If it couldn’t almost happen, it doesn’t make the cut.

5. Consistently Inconsistent

Our world has rules. They’re stupid rules. But we follow them (sort of).

🧠 What You Should Do Next (Assuming You’re Still Here)